September 29, 1997 - TV script for 1991-92 season of Star Trek - The Next Generation.

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

"Child's Play"

TEASER

FADE IN:

1 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE AND ASTEROIDS (OPTICAL) 1

The Enterprise is moving slowly through a huge asteroid field. Compared to the Enterprise, all of the asteroids are small.

PICARD (V.O.)

"Captains Log, Star Date 43959.2."

"For the last six weeks we have been performing a mineral survey in the Great Asteroid Belt of the Abacrom System. Even though all of the crew are trained professionals, I must confess that boredom is beginning to set in. The only good news is that Wesley Crusher is visiting us during school holidays."

2 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 2

PICARD, RIKER, DATA (OPS), WESLEY (CONN), and WORF (Tactical) are at their posts. Everyone looks tired, even Data.

DATA

"Asteroid eight nine six five is completed. Beginning asteroid eight nine six nine."

RIKER

"Very good, Mister Data."

Some BEEPING and HUMMING is heard from the consoles as everyone continues the survey.

DATA

"Slightly higher concentrations of silicates. Other than that, I find nothing unique."

RIKER

"Continue."

Picard gives a slight yawn but he tries to hide it. All is silent except for the occasional BEEP of the computer workstation. Absolute boredom!

3 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 3

Without warning, Q instantly appears on the bridge. Q is dressed like a Great White Hunter on Africa safari. JUNGLE DRUMS are heard beating in the distance.

Q still wants to be a member of the crew. If he can prove to Captain Picard that the Enterprise needs him, perhaps Picard will change his mind and ask Q to stay.

Unfortunately, Q has the bad habit of over-exaggerating. He also has a totally inflated ego which grinds on Picard's nerves.

Q

"Why do you look for pretty rocks when the mysteries of the galaxy await?"

PICARD

"For once, and for all, I want you to stop interfering with my ship."

Q

"Mon Capitain! You are consistent to a fault. Why haven't you learned to relax and enjoy life? There is so many more interesting things out there to explore..."

WORF

(eagerly)

"Do you want me to remove him from the bridge?"

Q

"Worf. You are always so physical!"

Picard holds up his hand to signal Worf to stop. Picard begins to take his boredom and frustrations out on Q.

PICARD

"We have work to do. That must be something you are not accustomed to."

Q

"Why must you always act so superior? On the scale of evolution, you are but babies."

Q points to the work the crew of the Enterprise is doing.

Q

"All of this is merely child's play."

RIKER

"If you are so grown up, then why don't you act it?"

Q

"You think that just because someone is high up on the ladder of evolution, they must be dull and boring."

(beat)

"In a billion years, the human race will be just like me."

PICARD

(very sarcastic)

"A truly, horrifying thought indeed."

Q becomes angry, not because of Picard's insults, but because Q feels that he is correct on his theories of evolution. The one thing Q loves to do is study people... when he is not tormenting them. Q has come to the conclusion that mankind, no matter how far advanced it becomes, will always have the same behavioral patterns.

This conversation has become very serious to Q. Unfortunately, the Captain is feeling the reverse and is now rather obnoxious. Q begins to sound like a preacher talking about the resurrection. He is filled with awe and wonderment.

Q

"No matter how much humanoids evolve, they will always remain the same... with the same flaws and the same weakness."

PICARD

(gruff, uninterested)

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Q

"I have explored from one end of the universe to the other. I have seen mankind in his most primitive state. I have seen him grow and develop over thousands of centuries. Yet, throughout his development, he is still man. No better. No worse. Just man."

PICARD

"I still have work to do."

Q, for once in his life, is trying to be serious and everyone ignores him. Now, Q is really angry.

Q

"You are trying my patience..."

The Captain now realizes he has found Q's button. Rightly or wrongly, he continues to show Q what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

PICARD

"Well then, leave! We find you boring!"

Q gets very angry and is ready to burst. He will go away and never come back. He begins to expand sideways.

Q

"GRRRRR."

Then he thinks for a moment and relaxes. He returns to his normal shape. He has a wonderfully diabolical idea.

Q

"Ah, I know the perfect place for all of you."

Q waves his hand.

4 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL) 4

Instantly, the Enterprise is flung through space, spinning like a top. Now comes a horrible feeling of apprehension.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

"Child's Play"

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

5 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL) 5

The Enterprise continues spinning sideways through space until it begins to slow down. This trip seems to take longer than the last time Q threw the ship into another world.

PICARD (V.O.)

"Captain's Log Supplemental: We continue being tossed through space by our old nemesis, Q. After our last encounter, I can only fear the worst."

6 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 6

Instantly, every alarm on the Enterprise begins ringing.

COMPUTER (V.O.)

"Warning: collision course.

Warning: collision course."

RIKER

"Deflector shields."

DATA

"Sir, we are surrounded by hundreds of tiny space ships."

Worf goes to Red Alert. He does not wait for Picard's order because the situation looks so bad.

WORF

"Going to red alert!"

Picard notices Worf's error... but he has more important things to worry about.

PICARD

(to Wesley)

"Take evasive action!"

WORF

"We are being hailed... audio only."

PICARD

"Pipe it on the bridge."

FIRST ANGRY VOICE

"Idiot! Watch where you are going!"

SECOND ANGRY VOICE

"Get that pile of junk off the road!"

THIRD ANGRY VOICE

"Trucks are not allowed on the 405!"

PICARD

"Full visual on screen."

7 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE AND CARS (OPTICAL) 7

We see the Enterprise as viewed from space. It seems to be surrounded by thousands of tiny dots all travelling in one direction. The Enterprise is going in a slightly different direction.

8 INT. MAIN BIRDGE 8

Everyone is watching the main viewer which shows an infinite number of object zooming past the screen.

DATA

"Sir, it seem to be some type of organized movement."

WESLEY

(shouting) I can align the ship so that it is travelling with the flow."

PICARD

"Make it so!"

RIKER

"Where are we?"

DATA

"Approximately two million Parsecs from our previous position... in one of the oldest parts of the universe."

Picard looks angrily at Q. Picard realizes that he was asking for trouble. By now, Q is back to his normal, sarcastic self.

PICARD

"What is this?"

Q

"Oh, Captain... I just create the puzzle. I expect you to solve it."

Then Q disappears.

9 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL) 9

We see the main viewer which shows the Enterprise as though we are looking from space. The Enterprise is now travelling in the same direction as the almost infinite mass of tiny spaceships.

10 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 10

Everyone stops what they are doing to watch the main view screen. It is a very impressive sight. Deanna TROI and Dr. BEVERLY Crusher enter from the turbolift and join everyone on the bridge. The bridge seems as crowded as outside the ship.

PICARD (V.O.)

"Q has flung us into a totally unknown world. Even though we are far from home, this place has a familiar look to it."

RIKER

"Full scan."

DATA

"Sir, we are in a solar system with twenty Class-M planets."

PICARD

"How can that be?"

RIKER

"No solar system has more than two Class-M planets."

DATA

"Sir, I believe that all but one are man-made. I am sensing an extremely large population on all the planets. These tiny space ships are travelling in very well-organized pathways between all the main population centers."

Data turns to the Captain to make an hypothesis.

DATA

"Perhaps it is part of some religious ceremony."

Everyone turns back to look at the main viewer and ponders Data's explanation of rush-hour commute traffic.

11 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL) 11

Suddenly, we see a very tiny dot traveling behind the Enterprise with a flashing red light. After a second, the sound of a police siren is heard. Inside the Enterprise, the sound is deafening. Some of the crew put their hands over their ears.

12 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 12

WESLEY

"What is that noise?"

DATA

"Sir, a small space ship is following us with some type of auditory signal beacon."

WESLEY

"Sir, I am receiving a high priority message."

PICARD

"On screen."

13 INT. CHP MOTORCYCLE SPACESHIP 13

CHP OFFICER

"Pull over and stop your engines."

14 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 14

PICARD

"I am Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Starship Enterprise. We are on a peaceful mission..."

15 INT. CHP MOTORCYCLE SPACESHIP 15

CHP OFFICER

(annoyed)

"Pull over and stop your engines."

16 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 16

Picard turns to Riker.

PICARD

"Well, we don't want any trouble."

Riker turns to Wesley.

RIKER

"Do so!"

WESLEY

"All stop."

A motorcycle CHP OFFICER (leather jacket and all) MATERIALIZES on the bridge. (CHP=California Highway Patrol)

CHP OFFICER

(impersonal)

"You are travelling in the wrong lanes for trucks. Let me see your license."

PICARD

"License?"

CHP OFFICER

"I also need to see this truck's registration papers."

PICARD

"We are travellers from another galaxy. We have only just arrived at your world..."

CHP OFFICER

"Before you can use any freeway, you must register this truck with the Department of Space Vehicles."

The CHP Officer has begun writing them a ticket.

PICARD

"We will do everything to comply with your laws and regulations..."

CHP OFFICER

(annoyed)

"Just sign this. It says you will appear in 30 days."

Picard does not know what to do, so he tries to make light of their situation as he signs the ticket. He turns to Riker.

PICARD

"Well, our mission is to investigate new cultures. I guess this will be an interesting experience."

CHP OFFICER

(still annoyed)

"And if I were you, I wouldn't stay in this neighborhood after dark."

He hands Picard the ticket. The CHP Officer moves away from everyone and prepares to beam back to his ship.

CHP OFFICER

(still annoyed)

"Have a nice day!"

The CHP Officer DEMATERIALIZES. Everyone turns and looks at the main viewer in amazement.

PICARD

"My word. Look at all those ships."

RIKER

"I have never seen anything like it."

WESLEY

"Why don't they just beam from planet to planet?"

DATA

"With that many people, the beam spectrum would be over-crowded. People would be beaming into each other."

PICARD

"Probably, only government officials are allowed to beam."

RIKER

"Magnify... Those look familiar."

17 EXT. SPACE - AUTOMOBILES 17

The picture on the main viewer is magnified. We see hundreds of shuttle craft of ever type and description from Andromedan to Vulcan. A few even look like the Jetson's scooter space car. All the ships are small and are designed for very short distance travel.

In the midst of all the traffic, there are ten tiny space ships which are 1950's and 1960's style cars without wheels. One of them is a "Woody" with jet-powered surfboards attached to the top. Great care has been given each vehicle to make it look its best. In addition to these classic cars, there are also some antiques and sports cars.

In contrast, there is a very ugly-looking car. It is the Volkswagen of the 16,483rd century.

18 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 18

DATA

"Yes, those designs appear to be modified internal combustion engine vehicles."

PICARD

"How fascinating!"

19 INT. 1958 CHEVY SPACESHIP 19

Inside a flying 1958 Chevy spaceship are four young people. In the front seat are RICHARD and JENNIFER who both look like seventeen-year-old high school kids. From their clothes, you would think that they are well-to-do kids from LA. They appear to be very intelligent but they are also very fun-loving.

When they go to college, Richard will major in Business Administration and Jennifer will be a Marine Biologist. Later, Richard becomes President of the First World Bank.

In the back seat of the car are two little girls who appear to be five years old. They are AMY and AMY'S FRIEND.

Everyone in the car is looking at the Enterprise in great amazement.

RICHARD

"How facinating!"

His voice echoes Picard's exact words.

JENNIFER

"Wow. Look at that old crate. I wonder who owns it. Why don't we go for a look?"

RICHARD

"We'll be late for the party."

AMY

"It's getting dark."

JENNIFER

"Ah, come on. This could be interesting."

Richard talks on an intercom to a dozen other ships.

RICHARD

"Hey guys! We are going to take a look at that old relic."

20 INT. AUTOMOBILE SPACESHIP 20

Inside another automobile space ship are BILL and BETTY who also look like seventeen-year-olds. Once in college, Bill will major in Political Science and Betty will major in International Trade. They, too, look at the Enterprise in amazement.

BILL

"OK, we'll follow."

21 INT. FUTURISTIC VOLKSWAGEN 21

In the Volkswagen of the future are the high school's superbrains.

While Richard, Jennifer, Bill, and Betty are the perfect, all-American kids, the superbrains are a little too intelligent to fit in with the rest of the crowd. Naturally, the HISTORY SUPERBRAIN likes history, the SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN likes science, and the COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN loves computers.

The History Superbrain and the Science Superbrain wear thick glasses and wear badly fitting suits with short pants and very thin ties. The Computer Superbrain looks totally weird.

Actually, there is nothing wrong with these boys that a "good" girl would not cure.

They look at the Enterprise and get excited.

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

"We'll follow, too."

22 INT. 1958 CHEVY SPACESHIP 22

Obviously, this displeases Richard who tries to discourage the Superbrains from following.

RICHARD

"You guys don't have to if you don't want to."

23 INT. FUTURISTIC VOLKSWAGEN 23

Not realizing that they are being rejected, they answer back eagerly.

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

"That's OK."

24 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 24

DATA

"Sir, a number of small vessels are headed this way."

WORF

"They are hailing us."

PICARD

"On screen."

25 INT. 1958 CHEVY SPACESHIP 25

RICHARD

"Hello, I'm Richard. This is Jennifer. We were flying by when we saw your ship. It's really neat. Where did you find it?"

26 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 26

Picard is confused but gives his normal introductory speech.

PICARD

"I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise..."

27 INT. 1958 CHEVY SPACESHIP 27

RICHARD

"Wow, you mean it still works?"

28 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 28

The captain looks at Riker. By now, Picard is very annoyed but tries not to show it.

PICARD

"We are from the United Federation of Planets..."

29 INT. 1958 CHEVY SPACESHIP 29

JENNIFER

"Gosh, we have never seen such a ship. Can we drop in for a look?"

30 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 30

Picard and Riker just look at each other. The Captain absolutely does not want any further contact with these kids. However, Data has a positive outlook on the situation.

DATA

"Sir, our mission is to meet new life forms and new cultures."

After thinking about it for a second, Picard agrees... even though it is against his better judgement.

PICARD

"Permission granted."

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

"Child's Play"

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

31 INT. SHUTTLEBAY 3 31

PICARD (V.O.)

"Visitors from another world are landing in the shuttlebays. This will give us a good opportunity to make contact with this... unusual society."

In Shuttlebay 3, the exterior doors are being opened for a classic 1958 Chevy automobile spaceship without wheels. O'BRIAN is at the controls guiding the spaceship into the shuttlebay.

As the car enters the Shuttlebay, it seems to float at the correct height off the ground, even without wheels. The car doors opens and Richard begins to get out.

RICHARD

"You two stay here."

AMY

"We want to go."

RICHARD

"Mother said I had to babysit you. She didn't say I have to take you everywhere."

By this time, about 6 to 8 automobile space ships have arrived at Shuttle Bay 3. Each ship has from two to four teenage SUPERNUMERARIES inside.

Bill, Betty, and the Superbrains are among those who arrive first. They all get out of their cars and slam the doors. The Superbrains' car is the futuristic Volkswagen. Extremely well-dressed surfers get out of the "Woody".

All of the kids are bright, top-of-the-class type of kids. They are all from conservative families and have relatively conservative views. However, if given the chance, these kids would not mind being at least a little mischievous.

Maybe this is their chance to have a some fun before they must return to the dull grind of school.

Worf, Geordi, Wesley, and Picard arrive to greet the visitors.

PICARD

"Welcome. I am Captain Picard and this is my first officer, Commander Riker."

JENNIFER

"Wow. This is great!"

RICHARD

"We have only read about these things in textbooks."

BILL

"We have never seen any of this close up."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Yaa, They still use warp drives."

BETTY

"Gosh. I have never even seen a warp drive. They are so inherently dangerous. Matter, anti-matter, and all that."

GEORDI

"We find that they are efficient and, with proper precautions, they are totally safe."

BILL

"But you have only a three-tenth of one percent error margin in the alignment of the dilithium crystals. Anything outside of that and she blows."

Geordi is surprised at the accuracy of the kid's statements. Geordi walks over to the work station on the wall and punches up a picture of the ship's huge computers.

GEORDI

"We use these computers to keep alignment to one-thousandths of one percent."

Geordi points to a massive computers which looks just like a Cray computer. Richard and the other kids look like they are going to laugh.

RICHARD

"Computers? Those are computers?"

BILL

"They are so big I thought they were air conditioners or something."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

(seriously perplexed)

"Haven't you heard of miniaturization?"

This was not meant as an insult but a statement of fact. All of the kids own computers as powerful as the Enterprise's yet their computers are not much bigger than a lunch box.

Picard and most of the Enterprise's crew have been offended by the kids' conversation. By now, the Captain definitely wants to get rid of the kids, even if only for a while.

PICARD

(angry)

"Perhaps, you might find the rest of the ship equally interesting."

JENNIFER

"Gosh, that would be great!"

PICARD

(triumphant)

"Geordi, Worf, and Wesley. Please give our visitors a tour of the ship."

BETTY

"All we get to see is bits and pieces in museums..."

BILL

"And that isn't much fun!"

Picard is already half-way to the bridge to escape these kids.

32 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 32

About one hour latter, Picard, Riker, Data, and Troi are at their posts. Geordi, Worf, and Wesley are still giving tours of the ship to three separate groups of kids.

The turbolift opens and Geordi enters the bridge along with one of the groups of teenagers. Geordi is continuing the tour.

GEORDI

"And this is the main bridge. All operations and communications are done from here."

Geordi continues to talk but Bill is not paying much attention. A BEAUTIFUL FEMALE OFFICER has replaced Wesley at the CONN. Bill finds her cute. He smiles at her. She smiles back.

GEORDI

"Here is the engineering console. From here all engineering functions can be monitored."

As Geordi drones on in the background, Bill remains fascinated by the beautiful female officer at the CONN. Bill reaches out to caress her beautiful hand. She smiles and pushes Bill's hand away.

Instantly, Bill appears go into shock. He quickly looks around the bridge to see if anyone else has noticed. Carefully, almost afraid, he touches her hand again.

This time the female officer is annoyed and makes it clear that she does not appreciate his attempts to touch her. She is also very confused by Bill's obvious sense of shock and surprise.

Bill looks as though he has made the greatest discovery of the century.

GEORDI

"Here is the environment control center, the Mission Operations control center, and our two science research control centers. From here we can monitor everything that goes on in the Enterprise and all areas within one parsec...."

Bill looks at the female officer and a slight BUZZING sound is heard. Then, Bill very carefully and very slowly leans over and kisses her. When she tries to resist, the buzzing sound increases and she becomes frozen. She has absolutely no control over her body, except for her face. Now, she begins to show both disgust and fear. Bill is happy.

BEAUTIFUL FEMALE OFFICER

"Captain!!!"

Picard, Riker, and Troi get up but do not move.

BILL

"They are pets."

Bill says this to himself in amazement.

As mankind evolves, the human body develops new physical and mental abilities. In this extremely old part of the universe, mankind has had an additional ten million years to evolve. Here all humans have developed a minor telepathic power which allows them to control animals.

The telepathic power can also be used as a defense against others. Bill had been expecting a mental slap on the wrist from the officer but she does not have such powers.

Note: This telepathic power is a wonderful gift since it gives mankind a better understanding of the animal world. These kids think that using the mind to control animals is perfectly normal. (Even in our own world, some people seem to exhibit this capability.)

In this world, humans feel that their telepathic powers are what differentiate them from animals (or "Pets" as Bill calls them). The kids feel that any creature which does not have this capability is an inferior animal -- no different from a pet. It does not matter if the creatures look humanoid, the kids still treat them as animals.

Once Bill gets over his shock, he announces his discovery to the rest of his friends.

BILL

(very loudly)

"They're pets."

JENNIFER

"What are you talking about? Except for the robot, they are humans just like us."

Data looks surprised since no one had mentioned that he was an android. And why did they refer to him as an inferior being -- a robot?

BILL

"No, they are not. They are just like pets. Look!"

Bill runs his hand lovingly over the girl's face. You can tell that she is trying to resist but nothing happens (except that we hear a slight bussing sound).

JENNIFER

"You have to be kidding."

Betty and Jennifer look at Riker.

BETTY

"He is as strong as an ox. He's no pet."

BILL

(teasing)

"Try him."

JENNIFER

"Right!"

Jennifer is not stupid. If she gets Riker angry, she could end up flatter than half a pancake.

BILL

"No really, they're pets."

Jennifer very timidly touches Riker. Riker physically removes the girl's finger. He appears rather annoyed.

JENNIFER

(totally amazed)

"They are! They are!"

Jennifer had expected Riker to use his mental powers to stop her. But now she knows that he does not have any.

Until now, the only pets they have seen are dogs, cats, horses, etc. They have never seen a human with the same limited mental powers of animals. This could be interesting, to say the least!

Riker is the best-looking human or animal Jennifer and Betty have ever seen. What a wonderful pet he will be!

Betty moves next to Riker and wraps herself around him and begins kissing him. The same buzzing sound is heard and as Riker begins to raise his hands, they become frozen in mid air. Riker cannot move though he obviously is trying to resist.

BILL

"They aren't human. They don't have any of our mental powers."

RICHARD

"You mean they are no different from cows and sheep, dogs and cats...?"

JENNIFER

"But they look just like us."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Perhaps they're the missing link!"

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

"No wonder they travel around in this antique."

Until now Picard and rest of the crew of the Enterprise are too astonished to do anything but look in amazement.

PICARD

"I want all of you off my ship... now!"

Picard does not wait. He picks up Richard by the back of his belt and the back of his collar. Picard begins walking Richard to the turbolift. Richard just laughs. A buzzing sound is heard and Picard is unable to move his body no matter how hard he tries.

RICHARD

"Down boy! Down!"

Richard pretends he is giving orders to an overly-active, six-foot-tall St. Bernard dog. Picard is livid. A buzzing sound is heard and Picard freezes in mid-stride.

When Betty is finished with Riker, she looks dreamy-eyed at Jennifer. Jennifer looks very angry.

BETTY

"Wow!"

JENNIFER

"He's mine. I saw him first."

Bill points to the beautiful female officer sitting at the CONN.

BILL

"She's mine."

All the kids pair off with members of the Enterprise crew. One girl near Geordi wants him.

GIRL

"I want him."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"No. We need him for our science class."

A very good-looking and well-dressed boy approaches Counselor TROI. Troi stands her ground. Troi is attracted to his good looks. The boy stands three feet from Troi, smiles at her, and begins looking at her body. All of a sudden Troi gets a surprised look on her face and jumps backward slightly.

BEAUTIFUL BOY

"Hey, hey, hey... I think she is an Alphazoid."

TROI

"My mother is a Betazoid. My father was human."

BEAUTIFUL BOY

(snearing)

"She reacts just like an Aphazoid."

Jennifer is half way wrapped around Riker feeling every square inch of his chest. When she hears that Troi reacts like an Alphazoid, Jennifer becomes very depressed. She absent mindedly tells Riker of her bad feelings.

JENNIFER

"Now we're in for it."

RIKER

"Why's that?"

JENNIFER

"Every boy dreams of being with a Alphazoid woman."

RIKER

"I don't understand."

JENNIFER

"They are partially telepathic. She will feel everything he is thinking."

RIKER

"Everything?"

JENNIFER

"Everything!!!"

Very good-looking, bright, and intelligent boys (who are all elegantly dressed and very polite) begin to crowd around Troi. One by one they begin staring at her face and body -- mostly her body. As they look at her, they smile evil, little smiles. It is not hard to imagine what they are thinking about.

Troi reacts as though she is being smothered.

TROI

"That's disgusting... Stop that... No. No. No.... Captain!!!..."

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

"Child's Play"

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

33 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 33

PICARD (V.O.)

"Captain's log supplemental: We are now in the oldest part of the universe and a bunch of teenagers have taken control of our ship. Some of them are projecting their thoughts at Counselor Troy and there is nothing that any of us can do to stop them."

TROI

"No, No, No."

PICARD

"Stop that!"

DATA

"Counselor, may I suggest that, if you cannot block out their thoughts, perhaps you should concentrate on just one person's thoughts."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Better turn him off."

He reaches over to behind Data's rib cage and turns him off. Meanwhile Troi looks at the circle of boys surrounding her. As she looks at each face, each boy grins eagerly back at her. All Troi feels is disgust.

Finally she sees STEVEN standing in the background. He a young and shy boy who does not have any wicked thoughts about Deanna because he is completely captivated by Deanna's extremely beautiful face and wonderfully warm personality. He is in love! Deanna concentrates on him. Quickly, she begins to relax. Soon, she begins a one-sided conversation with the boy.

TROI

"Thank you."

We do not hear the boy say anything to Troi. He is communicating telepathically.

TROI

"...and why is that?"

TROI

(laughing)

"...but we are so... different."

(beat)

"Here..."

Troi offers him her hand. Timidly, he takes it. All of the other boys have been locked out of Troi's thoughts. Naturally, they are very annoyed.

BILL

"Come on, share her."

BETTY

"She's old enough to be your mother."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"You know, I've heard that primitive people age quickly."

JENNIFER

"She's at least two thousand years old."

BILL

(very serious)

"No, I think she is only a few hundred years old."

TROI

"I am 34."

Richard, Bill, Betty, and Jennifer all react surprised.

RICHARD

"Ha! My sister is older than that."

No one saw that Amy and her friend had joined the group on the bridge. Amy is not happy at the thought of being older than Deanna Troi. Amy's friend is carrying a huge Teddy Bear.

AMY

"I am not older than her!"

RICHARD

"I thought I told you to stay in the car."

AMY'S FRIEND

"I had to go to the bathroom."

PICARD

"I want all of you off my ship."

AMY

"I want to play house."

Richard has a nastily brilliant idea.

RICHARD

"Well, why don't you take the good Captain and go play house."

The little girls walk up to the immobile Picard and look him over very carefully. Amy uses her mental powers to make Picard move like a puppet. Then Picard is forced to lean over so he is face to face with the curious Amy.

PICARD

"GRRRRRRRR."

AMY

"Oh, I like him. Can I have him? ...really?"

RICHARD

"Sure, you two run along and stop bothering us."

AMY'S FRIEND

"This is going to be fun!"

PICARD

"GRRRR."

Amy and her friend leave the bridge. The captain follows like an unwilling puppet.

34 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 34

A group of very tall, solidly-built 18-year-old girls are surrounding Worf. They all seem very fascinated by his strong physical features and his size -- both what they can see and what they can only imagine.

WORF'S GIRL 1

"Tell us more about the Klingon mating customs."

WORF

"Men are too proud to make the first advance. It is the women who must begin the courtship."

WORF'S GIRL 2

"How do they do that?"

WORF

"They howl."

The girls react with surprise and laughter.

WORF'S GIRL 1

"They howl?"

WORF

"Yes, they howl."

Each girl self-consciously tries to howl but immediately breaks up in laughter. Though they are just having fun, deep down inside each girl wants to impress Worf. Each girl tries to put on a straight face and howl. But no sooner than she has started, the girl breaks out laughing again. And once each girl stops laughing, she tries again.

WORF'S GIRLS 1, 2, and 3

(Howls and laughter)

"Hooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Worf is not amused. One particularly tall and powerful girl looks very interested in Worf. Worf speaks to her.

WORF

"You would probably not survive such an encounter."

The girl looks back with strong feelings and an eager smile.

WORF'S GIRL 1

"There is only one way to find out, big boy!"

35 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 35

In another part of the bridge, Riker moves like a puppet. He is gently and romantically picking up each girl in his arms, slowly spinning around, kissing the girl, squeezing her, and putting her down gently. This looks like a combination amusment ride and kissing booth. Once Riker is finished with one girl, he picks up the next girl to repeat the process.

Actually, Riker is enjoying this. He sees the humor of the whole situation.

RIKER'S GIRL 1

"He is so handsome."

RIKER'S GIRL 2

"And so strong."

The girls are so deep in day dreams about themselves and Commander Riker that they begin to say things without thinking.

JENNIFER

"Where can we keep him so our parent wouldn't find out?"

BETTY

"Yes, I would hate to have to share him with your mother."

She really does not mean to be offensive. It just slipped out. They are good friends.

JENNIFER

"That's not nice."

36 INT. ENGINEERING 36

Geordi and the Superbrains are down in Engineering. The Superbrains have never been happier. They have a wonderful new toy -- the Starship Enterprise.

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"And how does this panel work?"

GEORDI

"Don't touch that!"

The Computer Superbrain ignores Geordi and begins typing on the work station control panel on the console table like he knows what he is doing. He does not use the voice input. (Real computer hackers never use voice input. To have more control, they only type on a keyboard.) Naturally, a Dvorak keyboard appears on the display which the Computer Superbrain uses to type on. The others watch him.

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"This software is so primitive."

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"I got some really good software last week. I'll just download it and get things working in no time."

Geordi, in a panic, tries to object in his usual fashion.

GEORDI

"No... that is OK!"

The Computer Superbrain pulls out a case which looks like a large floppy disk case. Inside are hundreds of postage-stamp-size floppy disks. He grabs a tiny box with an electrical plug on it and slaps the plug into the console. A tiny blue glow now comes from the box. The boy places a postage-stamp-side disk on the top of the box. A mechanical locking sound is heard from the box as the disk is loaded. It sounds just like a 3 1/2 inch floppy disk drive on a Macintosh computer.

Computer Superbrain types a few more keystrokes.

COMPUTER (V.O.)

"Access code override."

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

We're in!"

GEORDI

(curiously amazed)

"How'd you do that?"

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"Oh, that's trivial."

The Science Superbrain and the History Superbrain now will be able to access anything inside the computer's files so they run to one of the other engineering work stations. The History Superbrain begins to type while the Science Superbrain looks over his shoulder.

Meanwhile, the Computer Superbrain hits a few more keys and waits for the computer's response.

COMPUTER (V.O.)

"Downloading data."

The History Superbrain wants to go exploring though the Enterprise's historical archives. The History Superbrain is pounding away at the flat panel keyboard.

COMPUTER (V.O.)

"Accessing historical archives."

The History Superbrain is still feverishly typing commands into the computer.

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

"This is going to be great!"

All of a sudden the History Superbrain stops typing and starts watching the screen. We cannot see the screen but we can guess from the sound effects what is happening. We hear the theme from the Bugs Bunny cartoons, then an orchestra playing a Tango, then the sound of a Pac Man game, Cowboys and Indians killing each other in a John Wayne Movie, Jimmy Stewart's voice saying, "That's right. That's right." from end of the movie It's A Good Life, Enrico Caruso singing the clown's song "Vesti la giubba" from the opera I Pagliacci, Fred Flintstone saying "Yaba Daba Doo", Orson Wells' dying words in the movie Citizen Kane, "Rosebud", plus scenes from every famous movie made by Paramount Pictures.

The History Superbrain loves history but the Science Superbrain quickly gets bored and goes over to the anti-matter control panel on the wall.

GEORDI

"Don't fool around with that!"

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Just wanted to check the endpoints... Look, they're still using the wrong equation. Ha, Ha!"

GEORDI

"What are you talking about?"

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"This equation fails at the higher endpoints. Here is the correct one."

He types it out and it appears on the panel display.

GEORDI

(surprise and admiration)

"But how could that work? It looks so strange... Now I see... That's remarkable! How did you know that?"

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Gee, it's been a hundred years ago but we had that in old Fudmire's class."

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"That's not his real name."

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"That is just what we call him when he's not looking."

GEORDI

"According to this equation, at maximum warp speed, if you rotate the dilithum crystals by two-tenths of a degree, the efficiency increases by almost twelve percent. Wow! What else did you cover is old Fudmire's class?"

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Oh, that boring stuff?"

All this time, the History Superbrain has been glued to his view screen. We still hear a wide range of weird sounds from the 20th century. The History Superbrain is rolling with laughter.

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"Why not cross-link that to life support and all engineering functions?"

GEORDI

(panic) "Ahh, Please. Don't do that!!!!!!"

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

"Great idea!"

The History Superbrain types feverishly. Geordi reacts in fear.

HISTORY SUPERBRAIN

"That should do it!"

All of a sudden the work station panel looks odd, almost like a pinball machine on tilt. The computer begins talking like Jimmy Stewart in "The Six Shooter" radio series.

COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Jimmy Stewart's voice)

"Well, Howdy Neighbor."

The History Superbrain keeps looking at the screen which we still cannot see. The reflections of TV images are seen on the boy's face. Weird 19th and 20th century sounds keep coming from the terminal. These sounds include parts of a John Philip Sousa march and some George M. Cohan music.

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"There. Now that's done!"

(beat)

"Access computer games."

COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Jimmy Stewart's voice)

"Why, I would be glad to."

Instantly, through out engineering, every wall display panel has a different computer game program. The programs are not any more sophisticated than 8-bit Pac Man and Nintendo but the kids love it because it is so unrealistic.

SCIENCE SUPERBRAIN

"Transfer that up to the bridge."

GEORDI

"Oh, No!"

Geordi is in shock!

COMPUTER SUPERBRAIN

"Now, isn't this a lot more fun than studying the equations for changing the gravitational constant."

GEORDI

(excited)

"You know that?"

(beat)

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable if I got you a chair? Care for something from the food replicator? A glass of orange juice perhaps... Or maybe some hot chocolate with those cute little marshmallows on top?"

(beat)

"Now, about those equations....?"

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

"Child's Play"

ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

37 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 37

The kids are busy having fun with members of the crew. When all of a sudden, a wide variety of computer game programs begin appearing on the main viewer and on every work station's panel. All the boys let out a big, roaring cheer.

BOYS

(One big long cheer)

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Instantly, most of the visiting boys quickly forget their infatuation with the females of the Enterprise Crew. The boys rush to the different work stations and command posts so they can begin playing computer games. The mad rush to find a place at the controls looks like a game of musical chairs.

The females of the Enterprise Crew are looking at each other in shock. A minute ago they were in fear, now they are angry at being ignored, especially because of something as trivial as computer games.

The visiting girls, for the most part, take only one short look at the main view screen and turn back to their male pets from the Enterprise Crew.

By now the room sounds like a game arcade in a shopping mall on a Friday night.

38 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 38

In one corner of the bridge, a group of girls, 14 to 16-years old, are gathered around Wesley.

WESLEY'S GIRL 1

"Which of us do you prefer?"

WESLEY'S GIRL 2

"He is so cute."

WESLEY'S GIRL 3

"I am studying astrophysics."

WESLEY'S GIRL 1

"I am studying nuclear medicine."

WESLEY'S GIRL 2

"I am studing commercial art."

WESLEY'S GIRL 1

"What do you study?"

WESLEY

"I am studying at Star Fleet Academy."

ALL THE GIRLS

"Wow!"

WESLEY'S GIRL 2

"How many centuries does it take to graduate?"

WESLEY

"It only takes six years."

WESLEY'S GIRL 1

"No wonder they are like children."

The visiting girls do not act very intelligently. Even though biologically they have evolved into higher life forms which live for thousands of years and have great mental powers, the girls are still limited by a society which values cuteness over intelligence.

However, this does not prevent the girls from believing that they are superior to the members of the Enterprise Crew.

WESLEY'S GIRL 3

"I like him. He is so simple. He is the most wonderful of all the pets."

WESLEY'S GIRL 2

"Any boy who looks like him is wonderful to you."

WESLEY'S GIRL 3

"He is! He is!"

She feels that Wesley is a truly wonderful pet despite what the other girls are saying about her taste in men.

39 INT. TEN FORWARD 39

Meanwhile, down in Ten Forward, the tables and chairs have been pushed aside to clear the floor for dancing. The Supernumerary Kids are now doing every weird ballroom dance they have seen in the historical records. At the moment they are doing the Tango with a passion. Every step is totally over exagerate. The kids love it.

GUINEN looks on in amazement.

40 INT. CORRIDORS 40

All the information panels in the corridors now display ancient TV commercials from earth. The kids are walking through the corridors as if they are in a museum. They stop at each commercial and watch for a while. Then they walk to the next commercial.

At one location, the famous Mac-The-Knife commercial for MacDonald's is playing. Two boys watch the commercial.

BOY IN CORRIDOR

"This is really great stuff!"

A girl is walking hand-in-hand with a male member of the crew. They stop to watch a Maidenform "Cross Your Heart" bra commercial. The girl looks confused. She crosses her heart just like the commercial. Then they walk on more mystified than ever.

Another of the commercials is for Reese's Buttercups featuring ET, the Extra Terrestrial. Some of the visiting kids are watching it in amazement.

BOY IN CORRIDOR 2

"They certainly have strange-looking animals where they come from."

In addition, there are commercials for every type of junk food imaginable.

41 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 41

Steven and Troi are standing face to face about 18 inches apart. Troi is holding the boy's hands. Other than that, all interaction between the boy and Troi is telepathic.

Steven is completely in love with Troi. He wants to do everything he can do to please her.

TROI

(laughing but sympathetic)

"Take your time. This is not a race."

Troi closes her eyes and appears to be affected by an invisible hand touching her body.

TROI

"Ohhh. That's very good."

TROI

"Yes, you are learning very quickly."

TROI

"Gently... Gently..."

Now Troi's body seems to completely relax.

TROI

"Ohhhhhh... that is very good!"

42 INT. SICKBAY 42

Meanwhile in Sickbay, the kids have decorated the room to look like a birthday party. Confetti seems to be continually raining down. Everyone is wearing party hats and is eating cake and ice cream.

Some of the kids are using the medical instruments for purposes that they were never intended for. One of them is blowing up rubber gloves.

Two of the boys are looking through a large, hand-held medical viewer at the girls. The boys act as though the viewer lets them see through the girls' clothing. The girls seems to know what the boys are doing and they do not seem to mind. The boys are going bananas. One of the girls poses for the boys.

GIRL IN SICKBAY
(teasing)

"See anything you like?"

Since there is only one viewer, the boys are fighting for use of it.

BOY IN SICKBAY

"Let me see. Let me see."

Dr. Beverly Crusher is angry -- obviously! She begins cursing like a drunken sailor who has dropped an anvil on his foot. Almost everything that Beverly says is too salty to be heard over the air so it is bleeped out by the censors.

There has always been speculation about Beverly's background. Perhaps she is not as innocent as she pretends. We see an interesting side of Dr. Crusher we have not seen before.

BEVERLY

"You BLEEP, I hope that you BLEEP your BLEEP in the BLEEP and that you BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP."

The kids stop, gather around, and admire her ability with cuss words and insults.

BOY IN SICKBAY

(smiling gently)

"Wow, I think she is mad at us."

The kids go back to ignoring Beverly who is unable to do anything about the kids. Every time she tries to move to stop them from doing something stupid, a buzzing sound is heard and she is unable to move.

43 INT. READY ROOM 43

AMY

"You may serve us tea now."

The Captain is obviously angry and ready to murder the two little girls who are controlling him.

PICARD

"I will not!"

The Captain finds his body acting like a puppet and serving tea to the children like a butler would. He has a towel over one arm and is wearing a frilly and cute apron which looks totally inappropriate. There is no tea in the tea pot but Picard pours each of the girls a cup full of the imaginary tea. The girls pick up their cups and pretend to sip it. Then they giggle and laugh.

PICARD

"You might think that you have the upper hand, but I assure you, little girl, I will deal with you very harshly."

AMY'S FRIEND

"I like him, don't you? He sounds so gruff, but he is such a nice man."

AMY

"I hope we can keep him."

PICARD

"GGGRRRRR!"

Picard serves another round of tea. The little girls giggle.

44 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 44

The place looks like a zoo. Every one of the visiting kids is having a wonderful time as if they are at an amusement park. They keep going to the food dispenser and asking for food.

BILL

"Hamburger, fries, and a milkshake."

They also ask for the junk food that they saw in the commercials in the corridors. Now they ask for ancient Earth food by name.

BOY IN CORRIDOR

"Big Wapper and hold the pickles and hold the lettuce. Oh, and a Pepsi."

Wesley's and Worf's female admirers are still trying to impress them. Worf and Worf's Girl 1 are holding hands Klingon style while the rest of Worf's girls are touching him. Most of the visiting boys are playing arcade games against each other on the main viewer. The sound of arcade games and pinball machines is still almost overwhelming.

Horrible sounding music is playing through the loud speakers. From the archives of the Enterprise, they are playing the first 78 rpm phonograph record ever made of the "Ride of the Valkyrie" by Richard Wagner with Brunhilda and her sisters singing their war cries. The record is full of scratches. It gives the place the feeling of a flying mad house. The kids love it!

Data is still turned off. The kids have Data standing in the middle of the room holding a tray of hors d'oeuvres as if he is a piece of furniture. A lamp shade is over his head.

No amusement park was ever this much fun!

45 INT. TEN FORWARD 45

Meanwhile down in Ten Forward, the kids are doing the waltz to the music of Strauss (arranged by P.D.Q. Bach). The orchestra is dreadful and the kids are over-exaggerating every movement.

Guinen and members of the crew look on. When the waltz music stops, all the kids rush up to Guinen at the bar.

BOY IN TEN FORWARD

"Some more!"

Guinen pours a huge glass of a dark liquid. The boy gives it to his girl friend and motions for another glass which he drinks down completely.

GIRL IN TEN FORWARD

"What is it?"

BOY IN TEN FORWARD

"It's Worf's favorite drink. Isn't it great!"

Everyone thinks that Worf is the greatest. All the boys drink the entire glass. The girls drink only half.

A Supernumerary waitress next to Guinen looks shocked. Guinen, as always, is in total control.

GUINEN
(To the waitress)

"It's prune juice."

(beat)

"Well, apparently they've never had it before."

(beat)

"Give them all they want."

Guinen knows that there are no rest stops between here and home and it is a full hour's ride in those tiny little cars.

Then the Conga starts.

KIDS

"Conga!"

They all form a line and begin dancing.

Guinen could stop the whole thing but instead she just rolls up her eyes and shrugs as if to say, "Why me, Lord?"

The music goes "One, Two, Three, Kick!" and the kids all kick. They do it again.

46 INT. CORRIDORS 46

The kid are now in the corridors in one big long line as far as the eye can see. The music comes over the loud speakers. The music goes "One, Two, Three, Kick!" and the all the kids kick.

47 INT. ENGINEERING 47

The kid are now in Engineering next to the bright blue anti-matter chamber. The kids form a line as far as the eye can see. The music goes "One, Two, Three, Kick!" and the kids all kick. Geordi and the Superbrains watch.

48 INT. SICKBAY 48

Now the kid are now in Sickbay. The kids form a line as far as the eye can see. Right in the middle of the line are the Superbrains followed by Geordi. The music goes "One, Two, Three, Kick!" and the kids kick... even Geordi.

Geordi smiles at Beverly. Beverly is surprised and displeased at seeing Geordi participating in the party. Geordi is still trying to get the equations out of the kids.

The party continues!

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT FOUR

STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION

"Child's Play"

ACT FIVE

FADE IN:

49 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 49

We see Richard in the captain's chair and all around him are very beautiful female crew members in Star Fleet uniforms. The women are acting as his slaves. One woman is feeding Richard grapes. Another is holding a tray of food for him. Another is holding his hand.

In the background, we can hear all the sounds of an unbelievably wild party.

RICHARD

"Captain's Log: "

(beat)

"Correction. Admiral Richard Johnston's Log: After dark, we will try to sneak this ship back to the house without the police seeing us. Then we can strip it down and sell it as junk. Even an antique like this should be worth something."

He looks up at the women and smiles to himself. He faces into the camera and comtemplates his good fortune.

RICHARD

"I think I am going to like this."

50 INT. READY ROOM 50

Picard is still serving tea when Q suddenly appears. Q is obviously pleased that the Captain has not been able to control the situation.

Q

"Well, Captain. It is fitting that you spend the rest of your years serving tea to little girls."

"And you do it so well... What? Are you speechless?"

PICARD

"I have nothing to say to you, Q."

The Captain is still serving another round of imaginary tea.

Q

"I am surprised at you, Captain. I thought that surely you would have tired of all this by now. I know I am."

Q yawns. He continues to sarcastically taunt Picard.

Q

"Don't you think it is about time we returned home?"

51 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 51

Instantly, Q, Picard, and the little girls are back on the bridge. They are in exactly the same positions that they were in the Ready Room only now they are in the center of the bridge.

Q still wants to humiliate the Captain but he needs an audience to do it better. The Captain is still forced to serve another round of tea. The little girls still sip the imaginary tea and giggle.

Q speaks loudly to the Captain so everyone can hear him.

Q

"You still have not figured out the puzzle?"

(beat)

"It is so simple, I thought that even you would have figured it out."

Some of the kids begin to notice Q. The noise in the room slowly quiets down as everyone realizes that this is the big showdown.

Worf's girls stop and look at Q. Wesley's girls stop and look at Q. Riker's girls also stop. Even the kids playing games at the computer consoles stop and begin to worry about Q. Someone turns down the music and the computer games go silent.

BILL

"Who are you?"

A slight buzzing sound is heard as Bill tries concentrating his telekinetic powers to control Q. Q senses what Bill is trying to do and looks at him sternly.

Q

"Ah, ah... let's have none of that!"

BILL

"Hey! He's not one of them."

Q

"You see, Captain, all you need is this."

Q extends the antenna of a cordless telephone.

RICHARD

"Hey! That's mine. You took it from my car."

Richard is obviously upset and is going to take it away from Q.

Q

"Temper, Temper!"

Richard is a little worried about Q, so he stops advancing. Q looks at Picard.

Q

"And all I have to do is push this one, little button. What could be simpler?"

Now we have silence on the bridge except for the BEEPS of the automatic telephone dialer. We hear a telephone RINGING at the other end of the line. Finally the phone is answered by MARIAN.

MARIAN (V.O.)

"Hello, Fredericks, Irving, and Benson. Marian Johnston speaking."

Q

"Marian! Marian! What is your son up to these days?"

MARIAN (V.O.)

"Who is this? What do you want?"

Q

"Let's just say I'm a friend. Do you know where your son is at this moment?"

MARIAN (V.O.)

"I haven't got time for this."

Q

"Junior executives in a major law firm cannot afford to have a scandal in the family."

Total silence as Marian pauses to think.

MARIAN (V.O.)

"Is my son there? Put him on."

Q hands Richard the phone. Richard pushes a button so that no one else can hear Marian's voice. Richard is still excited by what he has seen today. He tries to explain everything that happened.

RICHARD

(breathlessly excited)

"We found this old truck on the 405. Inside, there are these really neat pets that look like humanoids.... "

(beat)

"You don't understand..."

(beat)

"She's with us..."

(beat)

"Now?..."

(beat)

"But we haven't been to the party yet..."

(beat)

"But, mom..."

Jennifer, Betty and the other girls look at each other. They are thinking, "How stupid can Richard be?" Richard has gotten in this situation before so the girls have practiced the following comedy routine.

JENNIFER

"He could have said we ran out of gas..."

WORF'S GIRL 1

"or we took the wrong exit..."

BETTY

"or even kidnapped by Wargons..."

ALL THE GIRLS

"But no! He has to tell the truth!"

RICHARD

"I'm grounded."

Q

"Certainly is a wonderful device. Maybe I should make a few more phone calls."

All the kids realize that the party is now officially over. They had a wonderful time so everyone is sad to leave. Slowly they begin to move toward the turbolift. The computer consoles now display either early 1950's TV test patterns with no sound or carrier signal at all.

BILL

"We're leaving."

Q

"Ahhh, it would have been so much fun..."

The girls around Worf do not want this encounter to end. Since Worf does not look human, maybe there is a chance that they can keep him.

WORF'S GIRL 2

"Can't we just keep... him?"

Q

"It's OK by me."

(beat)

"but the Captain seems to want him."

(beat)

"I can't understand why..."

Worf reacts angrily. The girls hanging around Wesley are extremely disappointed.

WESLEY'S GIRL 1

"I'm sorry we couldn't spend more time together. We could have seen all the sights of the big city."

By the word "We", she means just she and Wesley without the other two girls.

WESLEY'S GIRL 2

"We could have gone to the country and have a picnic on real grass."

WESLEY'S GIRL 3

"We could have lain under a tree and watched for shooting stars."

All of the girls think about this and then they all collectively give a big, long sigh.

Steven realizes his visit with Troi must end. By now, he firmly believes that Deanna Troi will be the only love in his life and that he will never, never, never love any other woman as long as he lives. He is almost in tears with love.

TROI

"Good-bye."

STEVEN

(whispers shyly)

"I love you."

She senses his boyish infatuation and gives him a good-bye kiss on his cheek. This, of course, makes it even harder for the boy to leave. They hug.

Amy does not give up so easily. She wants to keep Picard.

AMY

(defiantly)

"I want to keep him. "

RICHARD

"You can't."

BETTY

"We have to go home."

JENNIFER

"That's right, pumkin, we have to go home."

AMY

"Can I kiss him goodbye?"

Picard looks angrily at Richard. Richard realizes he can get in one last dig at the Captain.

RICHARD

(laughing)

"Ssssuuuuurrrrrrre!"

The young girl uses her telekinetic powers on Picard. The Captain is forced to lean over to face the girl. She plants a big, slobbering kiss on his cheek. The Captain obviously is not happy at this show of affection from a small girl. The girl, however, is extremely pleased with herself. She turns, and the two little girls casually walk away. Amy's friend still is carrying the huge Teddy Bear.

One of the kids turns Data back on and all of the kids pile into the turbolift.

RICHARD

"Shuttle Bay 3."

The computer voice in the elevator still sounds like Jimmy Stewart.

COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Jimmy Stewart's voice)

"And away we go!"

As the door of the overloaded turbolift slowly closes everyone fondly and sadly waves goodbye.

ALL IN TURBOLIFT

"Bye."

TROI, WESLEY, AND OTHERS

"Bye."

Once everyone has left, Picard takes control as he removes his apron.

PICARD

"Full screen"

52 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE AND CARS (OPTICAL) 52

On the screen, we see the little space ships peel out and enter the freeway traffic. We can even hear the squeal of their tires... even though they have no tires. (There is no point in having spaceships which look like antique cars if they don't make all the sounds of an automobile.)

O'BRIAN (V.O.)

"All ships are away, sir."

RIKER

"Acknowledged."

53 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 53

Picard turns to Q.

PICARD

"OK, you've had your fun. Now, you can return us to where we were."

Q

"There..."

Q waves his hand

54 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL) 54

The Enterprise flies sideways as it is spun across the galaxy. Finally it slows down.

55 INT. MAIN BRIDGE 55

DATA

"We are now back at asteroid two nine six."

Q

"In a short while, you will be begging me for a new adventure."

Q disappears. Picard, Riker, and Troi brush themselves off, each for different reason.

Riker smiles for having made so many young and beautiful girls happy.

The Captain frowns for his embarrassment at having to serve tea to those awful little girls. (Actually, he is more embarrassed that the little girls liked him.)

Counselor Troi is both embarrassed and proud of her performance during the last two hours. She straightens her already perfect hair.

Riker, Picard, and Troi simultaneously sit down in their chairs. Data is at OPS, Wesley is at CONN, Worf is at Tactical. The bridge is an absolute shambles like the morning after a wild party. Nothing but dirty glasses and half-eaten food.

Picard immediately stands back up to remove a half-eaten hamburger that he just sat on. Troi giggles at Picard's anger. Riker tries not to laugh.

RIKER

"Continue scanning."

The computer thinks that Riker is talking to it.

COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Jimmy Stewart's voice)

"Why, sure thing!"

PICARD

"...and get that damn thing fixed."

56 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE AND ASTEROIDS (OPTICAL) 56

The Enterprise slowly moves through the dense asteroid field. The asteroids almost look like cattle on their way to market. The Enterprise looks like the cowboy who is driving cattle toward the railroad line. The computer begins singing in an off-key Jimmy Stewart voice.

COMPUTER (V.O.)
(Jimmy Stewart's voice)

"Whoopee Ti, Yi, Yo,
Get along little Doggies.
It is your misfortune
and none of my own..."

Star Trek closing theme.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT FIVE

THE END